Chapitre 10.2 : spilling my beans out

.sigh.
.long sigh.
.and a veeeeeeeery looooooong sigh.

.oke.
.deep breath baby, deep breath.
.here goes nothing.

dear enchik belog,

hello. i'm kiko. i'm a confident, gorgeous, super-intelligent yet super-lazy, stubborn alluring goddess. i'm so good that people envy me so damn effing much because they can't help but adore me. n i know it. i know i am good. well, at least i used to. i used to be n feel like that.

during my last year, i get to know this one guy, A. the most charismatic, funny and sweet guy i ever met. we never had the chance to get to know each other until our final year, the first time ever we've been into the same class. to cut the story short, we start off nicely - from cat-fights to friend to close friend n finally to even closer friend. to cut the story even shorter we end up falling in love with each other.

on the other hand, there's B, another guy who i had a crush on the first time i lay my eyes on him when i was in form 4. i only manage to get close to him only after i'm in form 5 but only through texting. he was way too shy to talk to me, to any girls to be exact. he's a great combo; good-looking, intelligent, athletic and don't-talk-to-girls type.

the thing that happen between me n A was amazing. but surprisingly, our relationship don't last. n that's not even because of us. his mother don't want him any sort of relationship with any sort of girls. n we broke up. only god knows how terrible i felt. how miserable i was.

but still our feelings, our love live and stay deep down inside each others' heart. we never give up hope.

but only after two months, which not exactly two month, i get involve in a relationship with B. n to my surprise, he had a crush on me the first time he get to know my name. what a coincident. well, our relationship is so damn serious one. we fall in love. we even planned into marrying each other. everything's beautiful until one day, he got jealous of me. n he decide to call it quit.

i was shock. n i know nothing else to do than to have a little chat wit A. it's been a long time. but the way we talk with each other is just the same, like we're still the same good ol' close we'd used to be. i spill everything out, i always spill everything to him. even i am really really good at keeping my burdens n problems to myself. he's the only one who has the magic to make me tell.

only then i knew, dat A has been waiting for me. he never let himself to open up for new relationship. he said when the right time comes, he'll propose me.

but so after that, B called, n he said that he wants me back. that everything that just happend was a mistake. n that we never broke up. n he can't live without me.

okey, stop rite there.
now, i'm in major confusion
i completely lost

stuck between two perfect man
two Mr.Right
but there's no way there would be two mr. Right, rite?

two man who inevitably love me
and who i, love too.
so damn much.
but again, there's no way you can love two great man at once, rite?

what must i do?
or should i just let both of them go
or let myself go from both of them
should i

should i choose one of them
n if i should whou would he be?

or should i just go?
n let everything go
get out from all this mess?

i love u, A
i love u, B

but i love me
not just that,
i lurve me

n i definitely gonna let myself down

sigh
so let's go on by now
let the wind of fate blows u away in its own mysterious way
let urself fly, dear

n be free