.kiko kiki lala.

Katanya kita tidak serasi. Lalu aku berlalu pergi. Mencari bahagiaku sendiri. Jauh sudah aku berjalan. Terasa dipanggil dari kejauhan. Kau yang pinta aku berlalu, bila menjauh, kau minta aku mendekat. Apa yang kau mahu? Biarkan aku. Biarkan aku. Kau dan aku, katanya tidak mungkin akan bersama. Jadi, apa yang kau mahu? Biarkan aku. Biarkan aku. Aku bahagia disini. Aku bahagia sendiri.

All this time, after you've built walls to keep people away. After you wear a different skin, a solemn mask to shed tears and emotions into invisibility. After you promise to never trust. After you said to yourself to never fall. After nights of pain and agony. After nights of trying to forgive. After days and months of building a fort. After being convinced that men are emotionless deceitful human being. After you feeling ready to face this world alone. After making plans and dreams with only you in the picture. After you are about to sail away. You meet someone, and you start to question. What has come over me? I wish you knew before all these afters. But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter anymore. Unless....

I miss writing. My language suck now, I wish I can flush it down to the toilet because it smell like shit.   I miss writing. I miss writing so freely where I don't care whatever people might think or assume from reading my words and thoughts. I miss making art through words in poetry, through acts in theatre, through colours in painting even they all suck big time. I think there is one point at my life when I start to realise that my thoughts and views can be different, that it can be hurtful, that it can only be understood by my own secluded self and a few minds that shared the same notions of life with me.  I don't know when I start have negative notion with people.  I want to reverse that moment if possible.  I want to believe that people are good (even when they are not). I want to give hopes. I want to dream back. I want to go for greater things. Last year was seriously a dark abyss for me. Despite some great achievements, some ...

Aku ingat aku dah boleh buat cool. Bila nak get over ni? Hish!