.kiko kiki lala.

belog ini bukan untuk kau tapi untuk aku belog ini untuk hati aku untuk aku bila tua nanti, aku nak baca semula *kalau umur panjang la* supaya nanti aku boleh gelakkan diri sendiri aku boleh cakap, "apalah yang aku pikir masa muda muda dulu, hampeh weyh hampeh" sebab bila dah tua,  aku dah nampak hampir keseluruh lukisan yang aku dah warnakan kat kanvas hidup ini masa sekarang, mungkin aku tak nampak lagi aku masih lagi bermain warna tapi masa tu,  aku dah masak dengan hidup aku dah tahu apa yang aku tak tahu sekarang bila aku tua, dan aku baca semula apa aku tulis kat sini, aku akan cakap "hmm, ya ya, aku ingat lagi apa jadi masa aku tulis ni" and all the memories flood in my mind this is my memorabilia to-be this place is not for you, not for anyone but for me, just me. [so shoo away this is not a place fr you  unless you come in peace]

P/S: this post had been written on 4th Jan.  Obviously it's intended as the concluding post fr 2011. B ut somehow I frgot to post it up. BHA-HA :p (I think this is one of just a few of my longest posts ever) I have not yet say a proper goodbye to 2011. *yeah, imma slow snail I know* But hey, there's nothing wrong with the lingering part. In fact, we always try as much to prolong good things that happened in our life. Though I must say, 2011 ain't filled with big achievements as much as I wanted to, it was a fulfilling one.  Here's some recap of the amazing path I've been through.. Personally, 2011 starts off with promising lights, having fallen in love with a man which I (at that time) feel, he would be the one to replace my first love but as we move on to later chapters of my life, I see that it's all just a dream. Like every other dream, when you woke up in the morning it's all gone. Let just stop it right there, shall we? I don't want to run much ...

have you ever live in dreams? i do.  in fact i am. here.  now 3 years ago, i live in the same dreams i look life as a beauty, wonderful to be experienced. optimistic, naive dreamy and beautiful. and 3 years had passed after all the dark passages,  the pain, sorrows and tears  that i'd been through... i'm here i'm finally here right here at the very place where it's all started i'm back where i belong here with you . . .

I remember this, I remember it very well.  In that car, as we heard that song plays. My heart aches so much.  I felt a stab of pain. My throat gone dry. Because deep down, I know, oh yes I know, that song is you.  You are that man. And you sing it for me. Till our path cross again.

there are times, some times, not that much of times..  just  a tiny portion of times from your life.. that i wish i can take from u. times in which i can pour my little stories out, of little dreams of mine that i built inside this little mind, of little wishes that never seem to come true, of little problems that never seem to fade. i wish u can hear my heart screaming, of my pain, of my endearing sorrow, of my wounds that never seems to heal. i wish u can reach out your strong pair of hands and bring me out of this tiny little pitch  of darkness, of secrets, of memories. i wish u hear my inner voice, u can just sit here for a while and get to know me. the real me, not the one that had been tarnished by this pain. not the one that filled with vindictive flame of grudge, of past. the real me, that i'm sure you'll come to love, to adore, to amaze. come, and listen to me. we'll cuddle next to each other. while u shift myself back to my re...

u know what love is? it's even when u guys can't be together, but the feeling is still there. even after a long while, but it feels just like yesterday.

at this time, all i can say is that i miss you.  so much.  but i know the drill. i understand things had been hard for you.  so, i'll just wait and pray for things to get better for you.   ♥ i miss the old days when we would use the snail mail to keep in touch with distant friends. receiving letters from them give you a pleasant warm feelings. replying them, waiting them to reply back. the excitement of it couldn't be felt anymore, now that we have all the technologies for faster communication. remember the old times when  people would write each other love letters filled with sweet and beautiful words that change even a plain person into wonderful poet? how beautiful love makes us do.  i wish we would write love letter to each other sometimes. even our distance is just within a few walks away, and we can even give each other a call to say "i miss you", i wish to do it all the same. i wish to do it with you.  ♥ love  ♥ , ika.

if i could repeat this moment. i don't mind do it again for hundred times.  being a part of something,  the never ending practices spiced up with lots of jokes,  getting to know new people & get along with them, putting your mind & soul to the character you play, working your sweat out for the sake of the team, feel the adrenaline once on stage, embracing the energy from the audience, laugh out loud after all of it was done. THIS. . . . . this is one thing that i wish i'll never be separated from.

haaa, ni ha ni, cik akmar punya pasal lah kena buat satu blogpost baru ni. padahal eden malas sungguh nak hapdet. *senyum lebar lebar sampai nampak gigi* eh eh, takde lahh. terima kasih ye awak sebab tag saya. mana lah tau tetbe menang, dapat lah jugak merasa shawl n dress percuma, ye dak?  baek, kita teruskan agenda kita.  sebelum tu,  kalau berminat, sila klik gamba di bawah untuk ke belog penganjur kontes ye. tadaaa! ini lah gamba yang saya pilih.  *kanak kanak riang bermain layang layang tanpa selipar di kaki* oleh sebab cik Rabab Borhanuddin yang pakai baju kurung polkadot tu tak berapa nak suka elemen elemen yang berunsur jiwang mahupon romantik sebab dia geli geli, jadi saya akan cuba sebaik mungkin untuk tidak menulis apa apa yang yang ada elemen sebegitu.  baek, dear cik NurulBadiah Lai _____ (insert some compliment here *bodek bodek sikit*), have you ever encountered a person who you can act all silly & do random things together? ...

bila midsem datang, maka banyak lah exam yang saya kena hadap dengan beberapa assignment yang kena siap kan. saya ade 3 term paper before cuti midsem. n lagi 1 after cuti tu pulak.  naseb baek lah sangat2 sem ni cuma ade satu je written assignment yang ala ala research paper tu. last sem sampai 8 term papers yang kena buat. mahu nak mati terjelepok saya nak siapkan semua nya.  pape pon, awak semua jangan lupa ya datang tengok saya & rakan2 perform teater  Februari niyh InsyaAllah. tempat dia tak sure lagi. kitorang tak start practice pon lagi ni. baru meeting skali je. yang saya tahu tiket die rm3. n dis teater under Law Society & under Ombak Laut (?) production. sila lah datang okies. n saya ada lagi satu performance jugak after tu, on 11th March. tapi yang ni bukan teater2 yang gah tu. dis one dibuat sebagai assignment-project untuk course Introduction to Drama. jadi performance niyh ade markah. tapi datang je lah kalau nak sebab mesti kitorang buat beriya-iy...

i have yet officially said goodbye to 2010. nor do i prepared enough to welcome 2011. but today,  i think its about time for me to stop linger on the past,  move on, and start a new phase of my life. i'd been in too much pain in 2010. but i also managed to achieve great things in 2010. its year full of tears as well as laughter. but hey, that's life.  tapi yang pastinya, aku sangat bersyukur kerana aku berjaya dapat dean's list masa foundation, walaupon masok degree result terus jadi teruk. at least merasa lah jugak kan dapat dean's list.  aku juga dapat scholarship sebab result konon-macam-bagus time foundation ditambah pula dengan record konon-cemerlang time spm. tapi aku bersyukur lah kan, murah rezeki. kalau aku tak dapat scholarship, memang mampos aku nak hidup kat uia gombak niyh. ayah aku dah la standard haji bakhil, kedekut tahi hidung hangit. jangan harap lah nak dapat duit senang2. aku juga dah berjaya memulakan langkah pertama aku untuk mencapai ha...

aku dah lama teringin nak cerita macam macam kisah yang berlaku sepanjang perjalanan aku menginjak usia remaja. ya, aku sedang maksudkan kisah kisah aku & rakan batch aku semasa di sekolah menengah dulu dulu. aku rasa experience dan memories tuh makin banyak & menarik lagi sebab kita semua duduk sekolah asrama penuh. kite spent banyak masa kita dengan kawan kawan lebih dari famili kita sendiri. kita membesar sama macam satu famili besar.  haish. rindu pulak zaman sekolah. *lap mata konon tengah berair* jadi aku akan cube cite kisah kisah ini semua kat dalam belog. at least insyaAllah, kalau aku panjang umur, aku boleh lah baca balik apa yang telah aku lakarkan kat belog aku ini perihal zaman zaman sekolah dulu.  tapi ini cuma niat aku sahaja. aku belum laksanakan lagi pon. aku baru je ter-triggered. sebab baru tadi aku come across one piece of paper yang aku & bestfriend aku, a'an si gigi besi tulis pasal highlight events & happenings yang berlaku time time ...

"I know how it feels. I know how it feels to wake up every morning knowing that the person you love doesn't love you the same . I know how it feels to get all dressed up for the person you love only for them to walk straight past you. I know how it feels to get the guts to message the person you love only to get a one worded response. I know how it feels to try so hard and fail. I know how it feels to cry yourself to sleep because the one person you want doesn't want you in the same way. So if you ever feel alone, know that somebody out there is feeling the exact same feelings that you are girl, be strong." i know too. i've been there. but not anymore. not anymore.

perhaps i must.  perhaps that's what im supposed to.  but my heart wont do it.  it wont. past is indeed the past.  but we shall not forget it.  as it holds messages n lessons within.  that a person must have. to live the life. . . . . . . . . . . in a better way.

dear encik belog, masa saya high school dulu2.. *ceh, cte cm da lme ngat ak abeh high skul* saya skula asrama di pahang. maka, kawan2 saya dtg dr sluruh pelusuk bumi malaysia. bile cuti sekula sgt susah nak jumpe dan keluar dgn mereka. yela, kami kan masing2 dok jauh. kdg2, ble ade peluang, buley la berjumpe sama2. tpy, sye keluar dengan sahabat sye yg dok area kuala lumpur dgn selangor sje la. yg dok pahang, memg xde. kecuali la mereka dtg ke kl. saya sebenarnye sangat rindu dan sayang sama mereka. sebab tu tepikir na buat post psal mereka. lepas spm, sgt tidak slalu kami berjumpe. *yelah, kalau kat skula dulu 24jam bersama* so, terasa sedikit kehilangan bila da habis skula. hidup di sekolah memang besh. tpy saya pasti universiti lebih indah . jangan risau kengkawan. saya pasti akan ingat kamu semua dan semua kenangan kita. i would like to dedicate this entry to: .miss anis firdaus zahira a.k.a a'an. my bff, gado2 n majok2 mate, stay up buddy, shopping k...