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101: Selang Tiga Dekad dan 6 Bulan Kehidupan

Kehidupan sepanjang pandemik terasa senyap. Tiada kebisingan. Tiada hiruk pikuk keramaian, gelak tawa dan cerita tentang masa lalu sambil menghirup nescafe ais atau limau ais. Mahupun gurauan kasar rakan-rakan sekolah atau universiti yang berjumpa sekali-sekala di waktu lapang untuk menghentikan seketika perasaan menjadi dewasa yang bekerjaya atau sedang mencari kerjaya. Kadang, menjadi anak-anak itu lebih menyenangkan. Mata yang sentiasa teruja memandang dunia dan tertawa pada hal-hal yang kecil dan menangis tanpa rasa segan.  Menjadi dewasa bererti kau harus menangis disebalik pintu, dengan bersorokkan bantal. Kau juga tidak boleh terlalu teruja kerana menjadi terlalu gembira di zaman kemurungan itu membuat orang jengkel dan iri. Kau harus bersembunyi.  Di sebalik dinding konkrit di tingkat 10 sebuah flat di kota metropolitan, kehidupan terasa bagaikan berada dalam pelukan yang hangat. Nyaman dan sederhana apa adanya. Dan hati tidak lagi membentak mahukan rumah yang lebih besar keran
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100: Rindu

Rindu. Manusia itu lemah. Sering jatuh, Sering tersungkum Sering mengaduh. Sering terlupa dalam ketawa Sudah dirasa Dicuba yang lain lagi Sudah ditemukan Dicari yang lain lagi Sudah tahu Bertanya lagi Sudah dapat Dibuang pula Terlalu bersenang-senang sehingga malap cahayanya Terlalu bermalas-malasan  sehingga kecil apinya Tidak semarak dahulu lagi ................ ................ ................ Aku rindu Ramadan lalu  Saat aku temu Cinta Saat aku mengenal Cinta Saat aku mengaut Cinta Saat Cinta dan aku bertautan Saat aku dan Cinta begitu dekat sekali Aku rindu. Semahunya aku kembali lagi. Tuhan, jangan biar hati aku pergi. Izinkan aku terus dalam bahagia itu. Izinkan aku terus merasa kemanisan itu. 
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099: Soul Searching #1 - A Clean Slate

At this point of my life, I ask forgiveness to all. If somehow, at one point in your life, you're compelled to read this. Maybe because of my recent deaths and you finally reached to this entry, there is nothing more that I wanted to ask of you except for your forgiveness and your willingness to let go of my mistakes.  If I ever hurt you and I did not, in my lifetime, take a thread and needle to mend the wound, I hope the wound itself will be healed by His grace.  If I've taken what's not mine and it's actually belong to you, I ask that your heart will not feel at lost for losing it. You'll let go of the fact that I might lost count and forget to return what's yours.  Most of all, I ask forgiveness to me - my current self, my future self & my past self. I forgive the mistakes & the sins I've committed & will be committing.  The wrongs that taught (and will teach) me lessons. The stumbles that brought (and will bring) me closer. Th
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098: Greeting an old friend

She was rushing to class. Her mind filled with endless to-dos, things she wants, bottled up wishes, hopeful dreams and frustrations.  She was about to make a turn at a corner when she stumbled and greeted with a familiar face. There he was, an old friend of hers, smiling and looking as inviting as ever. Not a single wrinkle on his face. Not a single sign of aging. He hasn't changed at all! She thought. While age has been catching up on her and adding on a few fats around her body.  She wanted to return the smile but her face blank, almost unreadable. It did a great job at camoflauging the raging feeling that surged at the pit of her stomach. She was stunned. 4 years. Yes, that's how long they last met each other. She remembered how short it was but also, how meaningful it has been. He used to be her haven, a safety nest for her to pour everything inside her - thoughts, feelings, ideas, happiness, sadness, unspoken words, words, words and more words. What happene
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097: I am a grown person but I have yet to figure it out.

There's an almost distant feeling when you grow up, or realise that you are a grown person.  Past seems like a memory you wish will never fade so that you can cling to it. Tug it close to your chest like hugging a precious teddy bear of your childhood. A warmth comfort but lifeless still. I wish I can let go of it, say that I won't need it any more. Too much I heard them saying that we should never look at our past, life moves on. Yet life as a grown person can be melancholy and poignant, sometimes. If not most of the times. Therefore the only way to bring the colours to the film is by bringing the memories that are colourful - the memory of past. Of childhood, of growing up, of adolescent, of youth.  Of innocent, of naivety, of ignorance, of not knowing yet. The irony is that as you grow up, you realise you are still in the state of now knowing yet maybe for forever. However, they expect you to know or at least, to act like you know. But really, who in this wor
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096: Embracing mess.

Well, hello there. It's been a while. It feels like meeting an old friend. I should penned this somewhere. Somewhere that I might come across someday. I tend to forget things. My mind is a mess, cluttered with unnecessary thoughts. I don't know what went wrong really but it's becoming a mess now. There are two basis for this circumstances. Number one: That's what happen to everyone when you grow up; you're mind becomes so cluttered you don't even know where to begin with. Or number two: I tend to bottled things up instead of writing it down. I don't know how to keep reminding myself again and again or even to find the time to do it but I really think writing things down helps. Even more so, I think it's becoming more important now that I've grown up and have much to say but kept it all in my mind.  Oh, by the way, hello adulthood! I am now a working adult. Graduated and about to leave my mark on this work (yeah, right). I must say that
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095: Seperti dia

Kalaulah dia melihat bintang pada mataku seperti mana aku lihat  ia bersinar-sinar di bola matanya Kalaulah dia merasa getar seperti aku tatkala dia tersenyum menyapa Kalaulah tawaku bisa membuat hatinya segar seperti mana senyum tawanya meruntun hati kecilku Kalaulah aku dilihatnya  sempurna Seperti dia yang kulihat sempurna di balik segala ketidak sempurnaannya Kalaulah aku.. Kalaulah aku... Kalaulah...
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